Not WMDs – bad phone service

September 18, 2006 at 2:32 pm Leave a comment

I figured it out. Not that I am genius or anything, but it came to me in a revelation suddenly today. This whole gafuffle over WMDs and Iraq and who knows what – is all a big fat corporate misunderstanding. I can’t believe no one thought of this before.

Saddam Hussien (forever an evil, horrible person who should die a LONG SLOW PAINFUL death) wasn’t really out to get Americans. The problem was that he had all that money at his disposal and he couldn’t find a decent freakin’ cell phone provider!. I’d be pissed too. He just wasn’t able to focus his attention. If he had, I am fairly certain that the city that took most of the damage on 9/11 would have been Atlanta and more specifically the headquarters of T-mobile. Cause, as we all know, they are the scourge of the wireless phone world and should be shut down (kinda like the way they do their customers).

Then, to top it off, President Bush was pissed about his phone too. They probably didn’t send him his nifty new phone that just came out on the market and refused to do anything about it because they had his nuts in their grinder and all he could do is flail around looking for a branch to grab onto before loosing his manhood along with his jewels. Then, the Al-Quackers went and cold-bloodedly attacked our country. So the president, already pissed-off, decided it was time to get rid of these boils on the ass of humanity and tried to wipe them off the face of the earth like turds on a baby’s butt.

Then it just went downhill. T-mobile probably decided that he had to buy a whole new phone the next year after having just finally (11 months after ordering it) got his nifty new – but now antiquated – phone because they weren’t going to support his plan with his phone. So this probably is what sparked the search for WMD’s. I theorize that he wasn’t searching for the WMD’s to destroy them and make the world better. He was looking for them to redirect them at his phone company.

I can’t say I blame him. I am in a similar situation. Except, of course, I am not the leader of the free world. I am just a dope with a blog. But T-mobile has crossed the line yet again. I ordered a phone a week ago (the new Blackberry Pearl) on the day it was released to the company and paid extra to have it shipped by “express”, which isn’t express at all, it’s 3 day UPS. When it didn’t show up on Friday I called customer no-service and they told me, “hmm. It shows that shipping is still pending. It must not have been updated. Keep waiting. Maybe it will still show up today.” So I waited. And waited. No phone. So I waited until Sunday to call it in. The always helpless phone jockey people I talked to all told me that I had to wait up to 72 hours to get a phone call to tell me why it had not shipped. At which point they would ship it out via “express”. But they were not willing to do anything more than refund the $15 shipping. Buncha jerks. They won’t put one in a box and overnight it as they should. They won’t let me cancel the order and just go to a store to get one. I am stuck. Again, the grinder is spinning and my twins are about to get shredded by the corporate machine.

This is why I say the following: Bomb corporations, not countries.

A man can hold a grudge for a long time when you yank on his short and curlies. T-mobile just renewed my grudge against them. Looks like they are in for a 10 year plan!


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More movie babble playing presidential politics

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